I kind of hate BuzzFeed. The “articles” are awful, but their videos are good time wasters and occasionally, actually funny. I just came across this one of people explaining their childhood AIM names. If you don’t know what AIM is, you’re probably too young to be reading my blog because I bet I keep mentioning all sorts of stuff you don’t know about. But it’s an instant messenger program that’s surprisingly not defunct yet, instant messaging was texting before texting was even a thing. Except online. I feel really old trying to explain instant messaging because wow. It’s bad enough I keep accidentally typing “messenging.”
My first AOL/AIM name was TwiggyHEH. I loved Twiggy from the band Marilyn Manson and HEH are my initials. Except after a while I got real sick of people asking what HEH stood for and then trying to ask what my whole name was, so I decided it was time for a new name. I think we got AOL when I was around 12 or so, and by this time, I was 14 and the movie Strangeland came out. I absolutely loved the movie, and quickly grew annoyed with my parents suddenly constantly asking who I’m talking to online because they were worried a totally cool guy was going to ask me to a party and then chain me inside a cage or something. Obviously now I completely see where they were coming from, but back then I was a stereotypical teenager saying things like “Geeze Mom, I’m not stupid, I know better than to just go to some random guy’s house.” To give myself credit, I never tried saying “I’m not a child, I’m fourteen!”
There’s a band that performs in the movie. Their name was Bile, and the song was called In League. I really liked the song. Here’s where the explanation gets both hilarious and embarrassing. This is the first verse of the song:
Pretty boy with a gun, bang-bang, fun-fun.
Pretty girl with a knife, watch your back it’s your wife!
Heroin, load my blood, shoot-shoot, fun-fun.
Pretty girl on ecstasy, now she wants to fuck me.
My new username came from that last line, I became PrettieGurlOnXTC. Or maybe PrittieGurlOnXTC, I can’t remember. I knew how to spell but it’s not like that’s the worst part about the name. I chose the line where a chick on drugs wants to bone some dude. Seriously, 14-year-old Heather?! Oh I don’t want people asking what my full name is but let me make them think I do drugs instead. Brilliant, kid. That hadn’t even been my intention, I wasn’t trying to pretend I did drugs, it was just a name. Much like all the teenage boys with 69 in their names even though you knew they were still virgins. I just liked the song and for some reason, that was the line I ended up choosing for a name. I did end up making a friend because of the username, his name was Jerome and he also had a username based on a lyric from the song. His was also misspelled but I know that was because AOL had a character limit. I want to say maybe BileThingWitNoHed, something similar to that.
Another year or so later, I grew tired of the drug questions, and came up with yet another username. This time, I came up with the name ToFeignReality. I have no recollection of how exactly I came up with that, but something about how people say things like “Get your head out of the clouds and join reality.” I don’t remember anyone actually saying it to me, but I was thinking of it, and from that came my own thought of “Well, what if I had my own make-believe reality?” And somehow I was intelligent enough as a teenager to think up To Feign Reality. I can’t remember a time I’ve ever used the word “feign” in everyday conversation. Not to say I don’t use “big” words, I just don’t use that particular word. I’d never come up with anything like that now, I try to think of simple things. I’ve been Heatherface for years, which I came up with after watching The Emperor’s New Groove and couldn’t stop laughing at the “LLAMA FACE” quote. I’m now finally starting to get sick of that name, but I haven’t been able to come up with much else. Sure, there’s JustSomeBroad which I’ve chosen on a few websites, but it’s usually taken. Ideally, I could just sign up as Heather on any site and be done with trying to think up usernames.