AIM usernames from childhood.

I kind of hate BuzzFeed. The “articles” are awful, but their videos are good time wasters and occasionally, actually funny. I just came across this one of people explaining their childhood AIM names. If you don’t know what AIM is, you’re probably too young to be reading my blog because I bet I keep mentioning all sorts of stuff you don’t know about. But it’s an instant messenger program that’s surprisingly not defunct yet, instant messaging was texting before texting was even a thing. Except online. I feel really old trying to explain instant messaging because wow. It’s bad enough I keep accidentally typing “messenging.”

My first AOL/AIM name was TwiggyHEH. I loved Twiggy from the band Marilyn Manson and HEH are my initials. Except after a while I got real sick of people asking what HEH stood for and then trying to ask what my whole name was, so I decided it was time for a new name. I think we got AOL when I was around 12 or so, and by this time, I was 14 and the movie Strangeland came out. I absolutely loved the movie, and quickly grew annoyed with my parents suddenly constantly asking who I’m talking to online because they were worried a totally cool guy was going to ask me to a party and then chain me inside a cage or something. Obviously now I completely see where they were coming from, but back then I was a stereotypical teenager saying things like “Geeze Mom, I’m not stupid, I know better than to just go to some random guy’s house.” To give myself credit, I never tried saying “I’m not a child, I’m fourteen!”

There’s a band that performs in the movie. Their name was Bile, and the song was called In League. I really liked the song. Here’s where the explanation gets both hilarious and embarrassing. This is the first verse of the song:

Pretty boy with a gun, bang-bang, fun-fun.
Pretty girl with a knife, watch your back it’s your wife!
Heroin, load my blood, shoot-shoot, fun-fun.
Pretty girl on ecstasy, now she wants to fuck me.

My new username came from that last line, I became PrettieGurlOnXTC. Or maybe PrittieGurlOnXTC, I can’t remember. I knew how to spell but it’s not like that’s the worst part about the name. I chose the line where a chick on drugs wants to bone some dude. Seriously, 14-year-old Heather?! Oh I don’t want people asking what my full name is but let me make them think I do drugs instead. Brilliant, kid. That hadn’t even been my intention, I wasn’t trying to pretend I did drugs, it was just a name. Much like all the teenage boys with 69 in their names even though you knew they were still virgins. I just liked the song and for some reason, that was the line I ended up choosing for a name. I did end up making a friend because of the username, his name was Jerome and he also had a username based on a lyric from the song. His was also misspelled but I know that was because AOL had a character limit. I want to say maybe BileThingWitNoHed, something similar to that.

Another year or so later, I grew tired of the drug questions, and came up with yet another username. This time, I came up with the name ToFeignReality. I have no recollection of how exactly I came up with that, but something about how people say things like “Get your head out of the clouds and join reality.” I don’t remember anyone actually saying it to me, but I was thinking of it, and from that came my own thought of “Well, what if I had my own make-believe reality?” And somehow I was intelligent enough as a teenager to think up To Feign Reality. I can’t remember a time I’ve ever used the word “feign” in everyday conversation. Not to say I don’t use “big” words, I just don’t use that particular word. I’d never come up with anything like that now, I try to think of simple things. I’ve been Heatherface for years, which I came up with after watching The Emperor’s New Groove and couldn’t stop laughing at the “LLAMA FACE” quote. I’m now finally starting to get sick of that name, but I haven’t been able to come up with much else. Sure, there’s JustSomeBroad which I’ve chosen on a few websites, but it’s usually taken. Ideally, I could just sign up as Heather on any site and be done with trying to think up usernames.

One Response to AIM usernames from childhood.

  1. Ah, the name I knew you as. My first handle was “AnteaterT.” An animal and the first letter of my name. Completely random, and stupid. That was quickly superceded by “FonzIsTheMan”. Because he is.

    As for Colonel Quack, I was a screenname whore, and it was one of many in my fleet of handles. Admiral Quirk, Captain .. something. Looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t go with “Logically Kinky.” I mean, come ON, self. Timmy™? Evolved because I was changing my handle on Open Diary every couple days, and eventually got sick of my own shit. Everyone saw past the changing names and knew I was Timmy, so I just went with Timmy™. How I’ve managed to define myself as my own name is baffling at times.

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