50 Shades of Shitfaced, or 50 Shots of Grey: A drinking game.

Back in November 2013, I read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. It was painful to finish, they’re just awful. I was determined because I wanted to see what the big deal was. It’s a fucking mess. Nevermind the inaccuracies regarding BDSM or the fact that the author needlessly posted a complete legal contract. I was barely halfway through the first book when I started thinking “You can totally make a drinking game out of this book.” And that’s exactly what I did. You’ll be three sheets to the wind in no time.

    Drink every time…
  • Ana’s “subconscious” or “inner goddess” is mentioned.
  • Ana thinks “Oh crap,” “Oh my,” “Holy shit,” “Shit!”
  • There’s an anatomical inaccuracy.
  • A random Britishism pops up despite Ana and Christian being American.
  • Ana flushes/blushes.
  • Ana thinks of Kate by her full name.
  • Elena, Mrs. Robinson, “troll bitch,” etc is mentioned.
  • Christian overreacts but you can’t help but feel it was justified.
  • Ana does something out of character.
  • Ana giggles. She never laughs, it’s always “giggles.”
  • Ana bites her bottom lip.
  • Christian’s pants hang “in that way.”
  • Christian’s horrible past is brought up.
  • An improper word is used. What does EL James think “oblivious” means??
  • Ana’s fingers are knotted or Christian’s are steepled.
  • Ana or Christian does something that will obviously upset the other.
  • The word “murmur” is used.
  • Ana refers to her vagina as her “sex” or “. . . there.”
  • Basically any time there’s an unnecessary “. . .”
  • Christian smirks, half-smiles, or has a “ghost of a smile” on his face.
  • “You’re mine” or “He’s mine” is said or thought.
  • Someone says “Laters, _____”
  • Christian crosses obvious boundaries but Ana doesn’t stop him.
  • You think (or actually say out loud) “What were you thinking?!”
  • Ana has an earth-shattering orgasm.
  • Ana goes into unnecessary detail about how attractive Christian is.
  • Someone’s mouth “presses in a hard line.”
  • Product placement comes up. I get it, Christian owns expensive cars and Ana loves Twinings tea.

Just go ahead and chug every time you think “This is so predictable” because yes, it very much is.

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