When I was really young, I’d learned about that now-practically-defunct rule of drinking eight glasses of water a day. Now there’s more of an exact amount of fluid ounces we’re told to drink, but back then it was “Eight glasses a day!” To me, a “glass” was just anything you drank out of, whether it was an actual glass or a mug or even a cup. After hearing the water rule, I went into the bathroom and filled a 3oz Dixie paper cup with tap water, drank it, and repeated that action seven more times. There, that was my eight cups of water for the day. I had no concept of “a glass” being 8oz of water.
I still remember being deathly afraid of getting close to escalators because I was too small to see over the edge, so it looked like the moving steps just dropped off a cliff.
A few years ago I got my mom a heather plant for Mother’s Day. The gift tag said “For this Mother’s Day, you can have two Heathers to take care of! Just remember the difference: the one with leaves gets watered and the one with hair gets hugs.”
When we were still dating, my ex-boyfriend attempted to teach me how to play chess. It didn’t go so well. First was the issue that I had a very difficult time remembering how each piece could move, and would actually be grateful when he won a piece because it meant one less I had to remember about. I also kept losing track of whose turn it was, so there’d be moments where we’d both stare at the board because I hadn’t realized he’d taken his turn and he thought I was planning a move. The few times I actually won one of his pieces, I’d do a victory lap around the table. He didn’t appreciate that so much. I don’t even remember if we’d officially finished the game, but he never tried teaching me chess again.
When I bought the first Sims game, there was a glitch where one of the NPCs was constantly naked even after I restarted. The first time it happened, I flipped out and called one of my best friends to laugh about it, not bothering to look at the clock first due to the time difference. I accidentally woke his entire family at 3am to say there was a naked Sim on my screen.
Ten years ago I went to a famous local gay bar with a friend and a few more of his friends I’d just met for the first time. It was the idea of one of his lesbian friends who wanted to teach him to dance, saying he could never learn how at a straight bar, and I was dragged along for fun. One of the other people in the group was a homophobe who spent a large chunk of the night stuck to me like velcro, attempting to flirt despite my complete lack of interest. At one point, the lesbian mentioned she was wearing a fake flaccid penis for when the girls she was dancing with would grind against her, and was wondering if if felt real enough. Without saying anything or even thinking first, I grabbed her crotch to feel for myself and told her it felt just fine, and she happily thanked me and walked off to go dance some more. The other two guys had no reaction, like that had been the most natural thing for me to do, but the homophobe was completely disgusted and avoided me the rest of the night.